How to Deal with People Pleaser’s Stress.

Where does your stress that lead you to overeat come from? 

In fact, there are three major areas our stressors come from: relationships with ourselves, with others and with society.  

The key area that triggers most of the stress is relationships with ourselves, though.

Good news: relationships with ourselves is the ONLY stress inducing system we have control over.

Here come the BIG questions:

• Is it possible to be a part of a society and not to lose yourself in the process?

•  What is the best way to remain connected to something outside yourself (family, community, coworkers) and still remain able to step back and follow your own guidance (live according your values, priorities and purpose)? 

The danger (stressor) is that we can lose ourselves in this endeavor and become people pleasers more then self-pleasers. Even being a people pleaser is a common problem, ageless superwomen can’t afford to fall into this trap, because it allows for little success and adds enormous stress and a feeling of failure in the long run; you might find yourself living according to somebody else’s life-script but yours, accommodating everybody’s needs but yours.  

Read this famous story of Hindu deity Shiva that clarifies this point.

Parvathi (Shiva’s consort) asked Shiva why, although the earth was so beautiful and human beings were designed to enjoy it, they tend to be so unhappy. Shiva asked Parvathi to accompany him to earth. They watched an elderly couple go along a path from one little village to another. First, he rode on a donkey and she walked beside him. As they reached a village, they heard the villagers say how selfish and mean the man was, to be riding while his poor wife walked. As they approached the next village, he got off and she rode the donkey while he walked. Again, the villagers were very critical, saying that this woman has no respect for her husband who has worked so hard all his life, and that he should be riding. So, when they approached the next village, both sat on the donkey. The villagers were horrified that they could be so cruel to burden the poor donkey with all that weight. So, at the next town, they got down and both walked alongside the donkey. At this point villagers derided them for their foolishness. They had a healthy donkey and no one was riding it.

After observing the episode, Shiva said to Parvathi, “ You see, humans being so much want to please one another, and yet it is impossible”.

And even it is very human to want to please others; nothing (except stress) can’t be gained if you lose yourself in the process. 

Appreciating your own needs, living according to your values and priorities can be difficult, as we are social beings. Though, you are your greatest asset. When you take good care of yourself first you are able increasingly better at taking care of your family, job and be an even more effective leader. 

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